Acceptance

I accept that my body is imperfect, it has wide bone structure, hence wide shoulder wide ribcage wide waist, it has very short torso, and that makes the waist look even wider. But for that, I have long legs, that even at 1,6m (5'4"), I don't look very short. I look good in short shorts. When I stretched one of my arms up and one down and I look at my own reflection, I seem to have very long limbs, due to my also long fingers and tiny wrists.

I accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I could never have model's body, the proportional one, with small waist and wider hip (my hip is non-existent). I accept my height, I used to want to be taller so very much, but at this height I can date asian guys.

I also accept the fact that at 51kg, some people still think that I need to lose some weight. And when I lose mine til 48kg, I still look "bigger" than most 51kg-ers. What most people don't know, is that I probably have much less body-fat percentage than them, because I do a lot of excercises, and the fat spreads around my wider torso better and not stacked into one part (for example arm), so I still look boney. I also acknowledge that I wear bigger jeans size than some of my "fatter" friends, solely because of the body proportion I described in the 1st paragraph. And I don't feel hurt when we go to the same dressing room, try the same piece, and it fits on her but not me.

I accept and admit very much, that I have lots of stretch-marks and cellulites on both my thighs and butts. In exchange to that, I have super smooth skin that most guys are amazed of, and I can only say, girl, no matter how hard you try to maintain, it's really genetical. I inherit my skin from my mom, who's at young age didn't really do anything special to her skin, and now at 65 she still has skin like a 40-yr-old. Thanks mom.

What I don't accept is how insensitive some people can be sometimes. I don't appreciate being told "you gained weight" when I know for a fact that I don't. Or even when I do, I would still think "who asked for your opinion?".

I also hate when skinny girls "deliberately" rubbed it in my nose, that they can just eat anything and still lose weight. Well maybe you're lucky in that term, bitch, but know this: God is SUPER fair when He created human beings. Meaning, to cancel out your skinnyness, you're probably a dumb blonde, or you're probably smelly, or you probably just have irritating characters and have no friends. (This is not intended to a particular person, but more to any girl with that kind of attitude)

I think most girls have issue and insecurity regarding their body, and I'm definitely no exception. But once I start accepting my own flaws, I notice more of the good parts of me. And _then_ I can be much happier and not think so much about what I don't have. Think I'm making progress here...
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Brand-minded

Lately I've been hearing stories about these rich spoiled daughters of my mom's friends. They got married or will be married to super rich dudes, and ever since the only things in their little spoiled heads are Gucci, LV, Hermes, Laboutins, Chanel, Prada and so on. They kept on buying all those stuffs from handbags, shoes, clothes, and duh, they cost a fortune. An Hermes Birkin bag costs about as much as a city car!!

Well it's not that I don't like branded bags, which girly girl doesn't, right? But that's so over the top, why try so much to be a hot socialite, no normal girl needs that many branded bags or shoes, why try to be a walking advertisement board, why show off so much, it's not even the money they earn themselves...

Anyway, I'm quite irritated hearing these stories my mom tells me, and I pray pray pray to God that no matter how rich I would become one day, I wouldn't turn into one of these girls, who let their branded accessories define who they are.
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Chanel Inimitable Mascara - not buying it anymore

I first came into contact with Chanel Inimitable Mascara when a half-size sample came with my Glamour Subscription back when I was still in Germany. I tried it on, and it was WOW. The best mascara I've ever had, it had everything, volume, length and curl. My eyelashes are "barely there" meaning it's sooo short and thin I usually don't bother wearing mascara because it's not gonna be visible anyway, but the chanel mascara was good. I suddenly "have" lashes :P

And so after that I bought the full-size tube. And for a few years I haven't used much mascara, and just last month I saw this add, and remember the good 'ol days, so I bought another tube when I was at the airport. It cost me USD 29, and whadya know, it isn't as good as I remember it was. It's no better than the L'oreal Collagen Mascara that I've been using for a while. So I dont think I wanna buy one anymore, it cost more than twice compare to L'oreal.

Skin care splurges

Lancome Genifique Eye Concentrate

In quest of searching a good eye-cream for my now PUFFY eyes with dark-circles, I came across this product while reading the in-flight shop magazine while traveling to Guangzhou. It got great review, and that they tested on around 40-50 women who get great improvement after 28 days. Sucker! So I bought at the Guangzhou airport before leaving back to Jakarta. It cost me around USD 55, the highest I've ever paid for an eye cream, so it'd better work!

DHC Deep Cleansing Oil

I found this product a few days ago while buying a MAC Cream blush from an online shop, and so I browsed for a review and turns out it's a very popular product from a japanese skincare company. A bit expensive here (around USD 38) but it's worth it, now I don't need my Clinique extra gentle eye make-up remover anymore (I'm out of it anyway), because this cleansing oil cleans all my make-up including Mascara! Don't need cotton pads anymore, just rinse them, and my face and eyes are all clean! yay... It's good because rubbing my eyes too much with cotton pad isn't good for the skin around the eyes, right?

Who's got a new toy ??

I got a new tooyy... And it's iphone 4, gadget freaks!

Yes, you'd think I wasted "that" much money on a 2nd cellphone (I will and can not live without my blackberry). But as a matter of fact I bought it quite cheap from a friend, who bought it last month but regretted it because he owns a blackberry and an ipad also. Meaning, it's sittig duck at his place. So I offered to buy it from him, and he gave it to me cheap considering it's not exactly brand new and it doesn't come with the original box. Mmmm hmmm!

So why did I suddenly decide to buy an iphone when I explicitly said over and over that iphone as a phone is useless and it's for someone who loves to play games, which would not be me!

Well, the ipad I received as a gift from my dad is definitely to blame. So I've been using the tablet device for a few weeks now and I can see how useful it is as u can download a lot of apps, for example dictionaries, so you don't have to go online all the time to find online dictionaries, and also the little budgeting apps they have, ie Homebudget, a very handy and useful thing to have. But of course I realize bringing ipad all the time in my already-heavy-bag is not exactly convenient right. So I thought about getting an ipod touch to replace the function of ipad, but why stop at ipod when I can buy the oh-so-in-demand iphone 4 at a discounted price, righhhttttt??? So there ya have it :D

I'm just happy as it is right now browsing for cute games and stupid but maybe useful apps to try on!
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Easy to say hard to do

If there's one thing I learned about men watching my mom, my sisters, women in movies with their respective spouses, or reading the mars and venus book series, is that men need respect.

In contrary to most of us girls, most of guys need to be respected more than loved.

This, for example, I have discussed over and over with my eldest sister. So theoretically I already know how to make a relationship works when going in to one. If I just do according to my knowledge I would be the perfect girlfriend and no man would leave me.

But of course haha, even marriage consultants could have problems in their marriage. My point is that it's sooooo hard to change myself into my better self, even though I know what I'm doing wrong, and sometimes even I'm annoyed with what I do.

And of course for example when you're fighting you cannot pause for 5 seconds to think "if y happens, I should do x" in the heat of the moment.

In my case I've taken my bf for granted, when I have promised him before that something like that would never happen in our relationship. But then after a while it got comfortable, I feel loved too much that I sometimes knowingly abuse him with painful words and snobbish actions and disrespect him, sometimes when other people are around.

Good thing I got reminded! Frictions are good at times to remind me to land my feet on the ground.
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Learn from your mistake

By being my very impatient usual self I piss EVERYONE around me...

Patience is something I have to work on since ages ago actually. But sometimes I just don't get how someone doesn't get something so simple. Or why someone can't learn to be on time.

I'm starting to understand that one case in House MD, where a patient deliberately took some medicine for years to make himself more stupid (he was an academic genius) just so he can learn to love his wife and her incapability to understand a lot of things because she was born with average size brain.

I need to be more patient in order to be able to love the important people in my life better...
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